He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
