sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
