She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
