the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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