i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
