I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize