I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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