I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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