apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
