so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize