So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
