Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
