Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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