I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
