It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize