Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
