I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
