theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize