Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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