and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
