I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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