hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
