when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
