I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
