i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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