Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
