actually, I'm a sock model
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wear drunk well.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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