btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
