Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
