My balls are so social today.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
