You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
