My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
be right there i have to get my cape
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
