my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
