Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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