I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
