I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
