And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
