I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
