Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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