Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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