I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
