If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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