oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
