come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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