so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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