for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
