Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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