I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
