I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize