How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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