dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
