So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
