"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize