I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
