So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
