I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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