Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to stop coming to work sober
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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