my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
