I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize